Friday, April 30, 2010

Our son's birth sister

Someone asked what happened to C. sister.  I'll try to explain.
After C. moved in with us we reunited he and his sister.  I would drive a total of four hours in one day so they could visit.  Her foster parents lived quite a distance away.  When C. and his sister would get together they were in their own little world.  We would just stand back and let them play.  We did have her spend the night a few times.  During this time C. started having gran mal seizures.  His behavior was also sometimes out of control.  We had our hands full with him.  We were seeing several specialists at our Childrens Hospital.  We really never were asked if we wanted to adopt her.  We thought about it.  I knew our life would be so different with two more and with their special needs.  Our adoption worker wasn't even sure if we could adopt C.  (I had my last cancer surgery just one year before)  To make a long story a little shorter, our adoption worker decided they should be split up but still remain in contact with each other.  A local couple decided they wanted to adopt her.  We were to meet them for lunch.  We really liked this couple. So she moved in....from this point I will call C.'s sister J.  Things didn't go well.  They gave her back to the agency.  While she was visiting us a couple of people showed interest in adopting her.  One backed out because of her special needs.  Another friend of ours had a friend that had lost a daughter in a car accident.  They contacted the agency and began to communicate with us.  Phone calls almost every day.  Finally a meeting at our house.  They loved her.  I'll never forget after they left J. was so confused.  We sat and read books and I tried to comfort what ever feelings she was feeling.  Paper work was done and it was time for her to move in.  C., the adoption worker and I drove 3 hours one way to take her for a week-end visit.  The agency really wanted us to be a part of everything as they wanted them to stay connected.  When we were leaving the adoptive mother (the adoption was just beginning not at all finalized.)  told C. right to his face.  You will always know where she is and we will see you on your birthday in just a few days.  I let them settle in for a few days.  I then called.  I called every night for several nights and the new mom would never talk to me.  Finally I insisted she come to the phone.  I asked what was going on.  She felt that J. needed to get used to her new family.  J. never returned to her foster home.  She was supposed to but this new mom....Leah was very over powering.  She told the agency that the foster parents had abused J.  They ended up loosing their license to foster.  Do I believe that happened, NOPE.  Soon after I get a letter saying that I was not to send any gifts or communicate with J. until she was 18 as she needed to focus on her new family.  The adoption worker set up a meeting with the four didn't go well.  The agency said their hands were tied.  WHAT!  The agency hadn't even finalized this adoption.  I should mention that these people had money and that the dad was an attorney.  They  let us see J. one more time at a McDonalds.  Our older sons went with us.  It was terrible.  She wasn't allowed to sit with us.  Other friends of theirs showed up.  We had gotten J. some little Disney figurines.  They left them on the table when they left.  One of our sons ran after their car to give them to them.  Did they stop, NOPE.  It was a terrible ride home.  My husband had to pull over because I was physically ill.  We didn't see her again for a year.  Since our mutual friends lived in the same town and our boys played football together, we saw her at a football game.  She was on the playground.  When we pulled up C. ran to her and they played.  L. wasn't close to her so she couldn't stop her.  Soon she sent her older son to get her.  He picked her up and C. ran after him crying.  One other time a few years later we were parking downtown at our 4th celebrations and saw her.  C. ran to find her and she just vanished.  We haven't seen or heard from her since.  We have written letters and tried to make them see that C.'s heart was broken.  We have recently found her on a couple web sites.  We have tried to contact her but she hasn't responded.  I'm sure she probably doesn't even know about us.  SAD, SAD, SAD
Backing up to when j. was first adopted.  They died her hair blonde as their deceased daughter was a blonde. They totally changed her name.  They had her adoption finalized and her adoption party on the day that their daughter died.  It was said to erase that bad memory.  They sent out baby announcements for the party invitations.....they even had a baby carriage on them.  So that's the story about J.  As far as I am concerned she was adopted as a replacement and for their NEEDS.  Oh, how I wish I could see her once again.  C. would love to see her.


Anonymous said...

You sound like an amazing special woman! Thank you for your comments on my blog! Marcia

Anonymous said...

I have seen incidents like this happen way too many times. Those people were thinking of themselves and not what was best for that precious brother and just breaks my heart that those people kept them apart. Thank you, for sharing this and I hope one day C will once again be reunited with his sister. Hugs

B said...

Oh my gosh how heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for everyone involved. :(