Saturday, September 12, 2015

Forty Five

 
Today is our 45th wedding anniversary.  It's hard for me to believe how fast these years have gone.  We have been through a lot and our lives have been blessed.
The Coke can was a pure accident.  We went to a cute little deli in Hilton Head and they sat this down in front of my Hubby.  Mine said Mom.   But I thought it was perfect.
 So what did we do today.  Nothing, really nothing.  Yesterday was a rotten day for both of us so we just stayed home.  I did venture out to give our son's girlfriend a ride home from the ER.  I sure have been spending a lot of time at hospitals lately.
Hubby got me beautiful roses.  We had flowered delivered from our son and his wife and their daughter Mabel as well.  She came to spend a little time here tonight.  She loved Grampy's new big chair and made a beehive right for it.  She and both doggies were on Grampy's lap.
 
We will go to church tomorrow and maybe go to a movie.  We can celebrate anytime.
We are invited for dinner to our Mabel's house tomorrow evening.
 
Last week my friend fell and ended up in ER, then the hospital and now in rehab.  She is 84.  She is doing okay and hopefully will be home next week.  Her sons live out of state so I have been helping her.  She is very sweet and appreciative.  We have been friends for almost 30 years.  Yesterday was my Mom's appointment with the oncologist about her bone marrow biopsy results.  Not good.  I really didn't know how they could be.  Her bone marrow is 80 percent involved.  Chemo would help but she doesn't want it.  I can't blame her.  She is 88 .  She basically has no immune system.  Anything could take her.  The doctor said she could live a year just like she is right now but if she gets an infection or has a fall it will be the end.  Of course, she is determined that she will do what she wants so she started back driving and going shopping.  The doctor said driving wasn't really a good idea as she could pass out.  She said she wasn't giving up her home or her car and she would just pull over if she felt like she would pass out.  See what we are dealing with.  But it is her life and her choice on how she lives out her time.  I wish she was easier to be around and that we were closer but we never have been.  It is what it is. 
How do I feel about all this.  It's sad.  It's scary.  Just knowing that the end could happen anytime. 
It's sad knowing that others in our family are also going through uncertain times.  But you just keep living each day.  Every day is a gift. 
And 45 years of being married to this guy has been a gift and a blessing.
 
 
 

18 comments:

Consider It All Joy said...

Congratulations Debby on 45 years of marriage! That is a Huge and Wonderful Testimony of faith and commitment! If the doctor doesn't feel your mom should drive, (I know it's hard) but somehow you have to make that happen. We took my mom's car, it's been hard on all of us, but even though she Wants to drive, the thought that she could cause an accident that could hurt or kill another person, was more than we wanted to live with. Now, we all make sacrifices to get her where she needs to go, but at least we aren't worried about the 'accident' that could happen! Just a hard thought! Sorry that you and your hubby didn't have good days but praying that you feel better in the days ahead and are able to enjoy a little anniversary treat!! Many blessings, Cindy

Winkel's Crazy Ideas said...

Congratulations on your anniversary, you look so sweet together. So special when two people have been together for years and battled rough waters, and still stay close. So sorry about your mother, must be difficult. My mother is 79 next year, but ok healthwise sofar. We are not very close either, used to be, until she moved in with my sister. Try to meet the situation with a smile and be kind, but not easy. Some people change as they get older, and favouritism becomes clearer. That happened with my father-in-law too. Sad and difficult to cope with. Sorry you have to worry a out her driving, you really do have enough. Here they would most likely have taken her lisence away, they are quite strict on that. Wish you both a lovely Sunday, filled with all things good and a break from all worries. Blessings, Pam in Norway xx

Art and Sand said...

Oh, my!

You do have a lot going on in your life. I hope mom and your friend are okay.

Happy Anniversary!

You are 7 months ahead of us. Our 45th anniversary will be in April. We don't sweat the celebrations either. Just getting to spend each day together really is enough at this point.

Pam~ Virginia Retro said...

Happy Anniversary! 45 years is something to be proud of. Sorry for your Mom's news, but that is typical of her disease, especially in the elderly. Her decision not to have chemo is not a bad choice really. Her driving thing is a tricky situation. A loss of independence for her, but better that than a danger on the road to herself and others. Hope your friend is better each day. She is lucky to have you.

Did you love Hilton Head? :)

~Lavender Dreamer~ said...

Happy Anniversary! I hope you have a wonderful weekend...both of you! Sweet hugs, Diane

Susie said...

Debby, I had the strongest mother ever...but that same woman had a head like a rock...stubborn . Mommy told us kids once,"you may as well kill me, as to take my car away !!!" Of course she was a good driver, just drove slow. Your mom sounds a bit like mine. No matter how hard she makes things...please hug her ,tell her you love her every time you see her...cause once our parents are gone, our lives feel changed forever. Try to get as many stories from your mother that have to do with her childhood and relatives...I find there's no one left to ask things about our family histories. Hugs to you dear Debby and I wish you and your husband a Happy Anniversary. xoxo,Susie

Mereknits said...

Not great results of those tests, so sorry about that but I give your Mother a lot of credit just trying to live out the rest of her life as she wants. Happy Anniversary to you and your husband.
Hugs,
Meredith

Edna B said...

Wow! Forty five years together!! That's quite a wonderful accomplishment. I wish you both a Happy Anniversary and many more happy years together.

If my Michael were still here, this would be our 40th year. (we had both been married before) Gosh, it doesn't seem possible the number of years that have passed by already.

Which brings me to your Mom. I'm so sorry she is so difficult to be with, but hang in there and let her know you love her. I understand her not wanting the chemo. Giving up her driving license is really very difficult for her because it means a loss of her independence.

In a couple of months I'll be 76. I have my cranky days, and I know that sometimes I am difficult because it's hard to let go of things. I'm thankful though, that my children are always around when I need a bit of help. Now, when it is time to give up my car, well I don't know. That's my freedom and independence. I hope when the time comes, I can be gracious and listen to my children.

Deb, you have a wonderful day. Enjoy that handsome hubby of yours. Hugs, Edna B.

Connie said...

Hi Debby, first of all congratulations on your anniversary, 45 years, that is very special :) Having an elderly parent come to the place of giving up their drivers license is never an easy task, but you have to look at the damage she might cause to others as well as herself. Also, she just got this terrible news and I'm sure she is in shock and beside herself. I was fortunate in the fact that the licensing bureau helped me. They told me to tell her that she needed to come into the bureau to renew her license and once she was there they would take care of it. They did and in such a sweet way. They took her photo gave her an ID card that looked just like a license and explained to her that this was no longer a divers license, but that she could use it for check cashing and anytime she needed it for ID. That because of her age and health issues they couldn't put a driving allowance on it. She would not accept it from me, but from them, it was okay. They did it in a very respectful way and treated she very sweetly. She left and told me what they said and I assured her that I would drive her wherever she needed to go. Parents don't like it when their children start telling them what they can and cannot do. They have always been the parents and had the last say . . . it's an independence thing. None of us want to loose that. Good Luck.
You are in my prayers.
Connie :)

Gina said...

Happy Anniversary!

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. It's never easy.

PatC - All is Bright said...

Happy Anniversary Debby. May you and hubby have many more. Sorry to hear about your Mom. May her guardian angels be with her. Blessings to you and your family.

Warm hugs
Pat

Grammy Goodwill said...

Happy anniversary. Forty-five years is quite an accomplishment. I know the two of you have a wonderful marriage because it shines through in the things you post. I'm sorry about your mom. Aging brings so many problems with it and they involve others. I know how difficult it can be.

bj said...

Happy Anniversary...
sorry to hear about your mother. It's always such a sad thing when the closeness between mothers and their children is missing. ...a lifetime of hurt for both. But, as you say, it is what it is.
hugs to you this morning

Kelly said...

Congratulations on 45 years of marriage! That is no small feat! Just think, in five more years, it will be the BIG one! So sorry to hear about your mom. I know all about stubbornness in old age. I've seen it with so many. I just hope that your mom doesn't hurt anyone while driving if she has an episode. That's what would concern me. Sometimes, you can't always just pull over to side. Hopefully, you will find time to celebrate your special day together and it's good that you have a loving husband to share your life with.

pogonip said...

Hurray for you and your sweetie! Good times, bad times, all better with a little love to sweeten them.

Love Connie's advice. Can't hurt to ask your DMV! Much nicer than me--I'd pull a fuse or put in a bad spark plug or...well, you get the idea.

Tammy said...

Happy anniversary and congratulations on 45 years. That surely is something to celebrate day. Getting older is difficult, especially when losing our sense of independence is at stake. I can understand her not wanting chemo. Sometimes the treatment is worse than the condition. I pray she does not suffer and that you can be there for her as much as she needs. Take care of yourself.

Musings from Kim K. said...

I'm so behind on blog reading, Debby. Wishing you continued anniversary blessings with your husband. Continue to take good care of yourself. You certainly have lots on your plate. Thinking of you.

Rue said...

Happy Anniversary, to you both :)

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. It seems like one thing after another. I'll say a prayer for you.

xo,
rue