Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Broken Hearts, Faith and Understanding

There are many broken hearts here today where I live.  Mine included.  This may be a rough read for some.  Please stop if you don't want to be upset.
Last night my son's friend died.  He actually took his life two weeks ago but was being kept alive by life support.  His family knew there was no hope and let him go peacefully.
This was a troubled young man that was turning his life around.  He had recently joined the Mormon Church and was headed in the right direction.  Then his past caught up with him suddenly.  He didn't know how to handle it so he ended his life.  All very sudden and sad.  There were no good-byes as when he was found he was already gone. 
He was adopted and had some special needs. as my son has as well. I now there will be lots of judging and that isn't what his family needs.  He was always a friend to our son.  He would come and go out of my son's life but always would pop back in once in awhile.  My son had introduced him to the Mormon community.  He joined the church and was making good choices and doing good things. 
This Mormon community has wrapped their arms around "our boys".  They do not judge.  They don't care about your past but love you for who you are and who you could be.  They encourage you, not tear you down.  I remember another church of ours being the opposite.  For instance my son went to camp with another friend of his (yes, also adopted with special needs).  This friend acted out at camp.  Our son was told not to come back because of that.  Of all places, church members were judging and not open to get to know "our boys."  This is probably why we don't go there anymore.  I know how easy it is to see the bad not the good, but God doesn't make "junk."  We have been studying this at church the past two weeks.
Yes, we are very worried about our Chris.  He is heart broken about his friend.  He wanted to tell him good-bye but he couldn't.  Our son doesn't handle things well .  He lost another friend (also adopted and special needs).  This friend was very mentally unstable and was turned loose without anyone there to support him.  He did a very hurtful crime.  Later he took his own life.
Writing this in attempt to share with you not to judge.  Get to know what is really inside these lost souls.  Help them see that there is good within.  Don't walk away.  Tell them that God loves them even if you can't love them.  Feel bad for their families, offer them support and hope.
I'm not writing this for comments.  I may even remove this post.  I know that it is extremely sad.  I needed to get these words out so I can move forward and be able to be there for our son. 
If you have read all of this, God Bless you.  Do something nice for someone that needs a little love.

21 comments:

Susie said...

Debby, There aren't any parents out there that are not wanting the best for their children. Some times we do all we can do and it still will not turn that kid into a saint, saw this between my Mom and nephew....but we go on loving them, because that is what God wants. Bless you Debby and send hugs to your son, xoxo,Susie

Laurie M said...

such a sad but inspirational post, I hope your son can come to terms with his friends choice, such a tragedy, I will keep you all in my prayers

Blondie's Journal said...

This is so very sad and my heart and prayers go out to all that knew this young man and his family and friends. We have to look out for young people...the world is still so new to them and they all struggle. Debby, I think you did a good thing posting this. If anyone reads it and knows of a teen or young man or woman struggling, maybe they will take that as a sign to reach out. It could save a life.

XO,
Jane

NanaDiana said...

Debby- I don't think you should remove it. It may help just one person to NOT JUDGE someone that they don't deem as a "worthwhile" person. God bless those families and I hope Chris can see his way through this pain. It must be scary for you, too! xo Diana

NanaDiana said...

I also meant to say that I am SOOO sorry for the pain the family is going through. It is SO HARD not to be able to help someone sometimes...but at some time in people's lives you have to turn them over to God's care...and sometimes he calls them home-leaving us aching and wanting. xo Diana

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Debby, This is very sad and I am so sorry for the loss. I will pray for your son and definitely keep the family of this boy in my prayers. If you have an address and his mothers name I would love to mail her a handkerchief from my For Your Tears
blog. dpucci9972@gmail.com

Grammy Goodwill said...

I'm so sorry for your son. Give him extra hugs.

Butterfly 8)(8 Bungalow said...

xoxo I am so sorry for all involved and all lives touched.

Vicki Chrisman said...

Oh Debby, how sad! I'm so sorry your son, you, the boys family and especially the boy himself had to feel so much hurt. I think sometimes people don't stop to think about the amount of HURT the person has to be in to feel there is no other way. It breaks my heart. Please don't delete this post, if even one person reads it and thinks twice about judging someone or criticizing them, when they have real idea what all is involved... it's so worth it. I think sometimes when we blog we think things always have to be "roses". I sometimes think all that does is make others think everyone elses life must be perfect.. so what's wrong with theirs? Truth is life is real, we are human. We all have good days and bad days. If opening up and sharing posts like the ones you and I did today helps someone else think about treating another person a little kinder... well then that's WAY more important that my inspiring them with paper and glue :) Hugs to you and your son.

pogonip said...

Turning feelings and thoughts into words and sharing them with friends is so therapeutic--we are here with open hearts to listen. Blessings on all involved and thanks for the reminder about loving not judging. ((HUGS))

Jane said...

Debby, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today. Such a sad loss, and so hard for your son. Thank you for sharing.
Blessings, Jane

Jane said...

Debby, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today. Such a sad loss, and so hard for your son. Thank you for sharing.
Blessings, Jane

vivian said...

how very sad Debby. I always say be kind to everyone, I believe we were all put on this earth to love, support, encourage and help each other. And also, everyone of us is struggling with something, we all need to know we are not alone and that we are cared about.
I know you will help your son grieve his loss... and I will send up some prayers for him and the other boys family.
hugs to you too!
xoxo
vivian

Tammy@T's Daily Treasures said...

Debby, you don't not have to apologize for the truth or for events and circumstances beyond your control. Besides, this is your blog, your place to share. Anyone visiting is here to support you, not judge. It's a horrible and very sad time when anyone decides to take their own life. So very hard to understand how anyone can get to that point. In the 80's, my cousin's wife took her life leaving 2 young boys behind. Was such a shock to us all! With love and honesty, your son will come to understand and accept and move forward. Sending hugs your way, Tammy

Art and Sand said...

I am glad you wrote this post and got things off your chest. This world is not always perfect and we need to be reminded that there are many who are hurting and need love.

I wish your son well in dealing with his loss. Death is hard enough and then to add in that his friend took his own life and no one could say goodbye is even harder.

My thoughts are with you.

Sarah said...

Hi Debby
Thank you for visiting me in the orchard you are always welcome. I have just read your post to my husband. Our thoughts are with you all at this difficult time. Take one day at a time try and close your eyes for a moment and think of a place that makes or made you happy. We need these times to hold onto.
I lost my mum 11 months ago and I miss her so much. I have gone through many emotions and now have all the memories of the things she taught me and the things we shared. Wrap your family in your cozy blanket.
Hugs Sarah

GardenOfDaisies said...

So sorry for the hurt and pain and sadness for you and your son. And for his young friend and that whole family as well. Praying God will wrap you in his loving arms and bring you comfort and peace in your hearts.

Linda P said...

So sad to hear about the pain the family is suffering. I hope their lives are better through prayers.
God bless this family.

chris mckinley said...

Sending prayers your way.....you have written something that we all Need to be reminded of...judging others. I can still hear my dad saying to me, Christy it's not your job to judge others... Your job is to try to be Christ like...he loved everyone. Thank you for this sharing this with us.

Edna B said...

I agree, you should leave this post up. I have a very special daughter too, and I would hope that folks would always accept her for herself. May God watch over your son and his friend's family during this sad time. God bless, hugs, Edna B.

Pam Kessler said...

I'm so sorry, Debby! That has to be so hard on your whole family. (((hugs)))